A Deluxe Vacation, Your Friends Included
 Shivani Vora - NYTimes
| | The Mangus family and friends, above, on a yacht in the Greek isles. |
In June, Jon and Janie Mangus sailed around the Greek islands for eight days with their two grown daughters, their daughters’ boyfriends and a revolving cast of 10 close friends. Their 140-foot chartered yacht — six bedrooms and baths — stopped at Mykonos, Delos and Santorini where guests water-skied and took excursions. A four-star chef (part of a staff of seven) cooked meals that kept everyone laughing and talking for hours.
The trip almost didn’t happen, said Ms. Mangus, 51, a retired high school teacher from Tiburon, Calif. When she and her husband first brought up the yachting idea, their friends balked at the estimated price of $16,000 a couple. But then Mr. Mangus, 64, unexpectedly received $250,000 from a property sale, and the couple decided the trip would be their treat.
“We couldn’t imagine going on this dream trip without our friends who are really special to us, but who we don’t get to spend large amounts of time with,” Ms. Mangus said.
A new trend is emerging in wealthy circles: the gift vacation — and not just a weekend trip to Disney World, either. Many affluent Americans are indulging in lavish, exotic trips and have decided that it would be even more enjoyable if they could surround themselves with friends and family members.
“As we place a premium on the time we have away from work, traveling with friends will continue to increase, and paying for friends would be an expected manifestation of that trend,” said Peter Yesawich, the chief executive of Yesawich, Pepperdine, Brown & Russell, a travel marketing firm.
Many gift vacations are tied to celebrations of a milestone birthday, anniversary or lucrative business deal. Abercrombie & Kent, an operator of luxury tours, has trained specialists to work with clients who want to travel with family and friends. It developed a new category of trips called Celebrations, and last year a third of the hundreds of Celebrations trips booked were paid for by a host, said Pamela Lassers, the company spokeswoman.
Mary Crowley, the owner of Ocean Voyages, the agency in Sausalito, Calif., that arranged the Manguses’ party, specializes in yacht charters. In 2005, she booked 25 to 30 group trips in which a host paid, up about sixfold from five years ago, she said.
Driving the trend are the increasing wealth of the top tier of Americans, and the diminishing time most people are able to devote to family and friends.
Still, treating friends to a vacation can be fraught with complications. An offer can be viewed as an insult, a way of underscoring income and social inequities. Sometimes it creates embarrassment and worries about reciprocation and obligation.
And then there is the matter of which friends to include and which to leave out — a problem that plagued Nancy Pinckert, and her husband, Byron, 56, both architects, when they chose nine people to join them last month for a luxurious three-night hotel stay at the Calistoga Ranch in the Napa Valley, complete with minibus transportation to wine and olive-oil tastings and dinner at the French Laundry in Yountville, Calif.
Ms. Pinckert, whose 50th birthday the trip celebrated, said she was careful not to mention it to friends she didn’t invite. “We thought about explaining why we couldn’t ask them,” she said. “But no matter how you try to position it, people feel rejected.”
The gift vacation, though, is rooted in the desire to be with those who matter most to you.
“Today, more than ever, friends are important because there is the likelihood of outliving a spouse with increased longevity,” said Jan Yager, a sociologist and author of “When Friendship Hurts.” “There is also divorce and prolonged singleness, so friends may be the key nonfamilial and nostalgic relationship. Those with money are able to say, ‘We are lucky to have this wealth. What counts is to be with our friends.’ ”
And more people can afford it. There are twice as many millionaires today as a decade ago — 9.3 million households in the United States, compared with 4.9 million in 1996, according to the soon-to-be-released Affluent Market Research report, which is produced by TNS, a research firm. The average age of America’s millionaires is 60.9, and most — 65.2 percent of them — said they earned their wealth.
And they seem more willing to spend it, and lavishly.
“Ten years ago, we wouldn’t have been able to even think about paying,” Ms. Mangus said. “But we’re at the stage in our lives where we can do something extraordinary.”
It’s not just older Americans, either. In the age of “Entourage,” many Gen Xers like to travel in packs. Those with the means have been known to pay for the rest.
“One of the things I miss most from my college days is hanging out with my friends,” said Ben Inker, 35, a Boston investment manager, who for the last three years has rented a Caribbean villa for a week in winter. He and his wife, Jenna, have invited a dozen or more pals, from different cities, whom they rarely see.
“My wife and I wanted unhurried, focused time with them in a really nice trip away,” Mr. Inker said. “Since everyone has different amounts of disposable income, it was easier for us to pay.”
There is a science to planning these trips, trying to synchronize everyone’s schedules. Mr. Inker said he lined up friends and amenities six months in advance.
The last two years, they settled on a seven-bedroom villa on Anguilla that faced the sea. It had seven and a half baths, a pool, tennis court, gym, tropical gardens, meditation area and a staff of 14. The property, called Cerulean Villa, starts at $33,000 for the week. But, Mr. Inker said, it was worth it: unstructured days spent swimming, snorkeling and eating fine meals prepared by the villa’s chef, with lots of hanging out “Friends” style.
The week offers more togetherness than you would get in a year, said Mike Offner, 36, Mr. Inker’s roommate from Yale who has been on all three trips.
Yet even a Caribbean dream — or a Mediterranean Shangri-La — can have its down side.
Many invitees say they’re uncomfortable accepting an over-the-top freebie. Bill Smith, a partner at a wealth management firm in Burlington, N.C., anticipated as much when he paid for part of a golfing trip to Scotland for seven friends, to celebrate his 40th birthday.
Although Mr. Smith’s invitees live within a few hours’ drive and some are regular golf partners, he said nine holes isn’t enough time. “When we play, we are watching the clock because we have pressing work and family obligations,” he said. “I wanted to have uninterrupted time with them.”
Nancy K. Schlossberg, the author of “Retire Smart, Retire Happy,” said it’s more natural to play host. “Boomers were brought up in a time of economic prosperity, and some have a sense of entitlement,” said Dr. Schlossberg, formerly a professor at the University of Maryland who specialized in how adults coped with transitions. “There is less fear, for those who have money, to spend it.”
It’s trickier on the receiving end. When Mr. Smith invited his golf buddies by phone, he pretended that his travel agent, Gordon Dalgleish, who owns Perry Golf, had found a deal where they would only pay airfare and meals, while tee time and accommodations would be free. “I worried that because of money reasons, everyone wouldn’t have been able to come,” he said.
But Bill Noble, 45, a friend of Mr. Smith’s, quickly caught on. He just didn’t believe that exclusive Scottish courses like Turnberry and St. Andrews would give them freebies. Plus, Mr. Noble added: “It didn’t feel right to accept such a big gift.” He eventually agreed to go because he knew the trip was a rare chance to play a week of nonstop golf with close friends.
One person Mr. Smith invited, though, did decline because he couldn’t accept his friend’s largesse.
At first, John and Patty Chaney, guests of the Manguses, felt squeamish, too. They accepted at Mr. Mangus’s insistence, but say they were jarred by the yacht itself. “It was one thing to hear about it, but once we saw how luxurious the boat was, we were uneasy,” said Mr. Chaney, a 64-year-old retired businessman from Portland, Ore.
Then there is the matter of the guest list. There was an uncomfortable moment when Mr. Smith invited another person after a guest dropped out of the golf outing because of back problems. “That guy knew he wasn’t on the original list,” Mr. Noble said. “It’s like he was lower on the pecking order.”
Friends who have benefited from an extravagant gift may feel beholden, Dr. Yager said. “To compensate for that feeling, they have this overwhelming need to reciprocate.”
Joe Brewer, who traveled to Scotland with Mr. Smith in May, said that when his friend’s actual birthday arrived in September, he felt a twinge of obligation that a call and a perfunctory bottle of wine couldn’t quell. “I felt like I had to do something a little bit more,” he said. So the seven vacationers contributed a few hundred dollars each and gave their host framed prints of the 10 courses they played together. |
Vallarta Weddings
Travel & Outdoors | October 2006 
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