Easter Sunday was a Brain-Smashing Good Time
 Mike Hazelwood - visaliatimesdelta.com
Nothing unites a family like crushing eggs on each other's skulls for Easter, including those with canes, walkers and baby shoes.@Yep, every Easter, my family brings out the "cascarones," loosely translated from Spanish as "confetti-filled eggs that allow you to smash something onto a relative's head without causing too much brain damage."
Plenty of Mexican-American families do this to celebrate the holiday. And while the origins aren't exactly known, there are two prevalent theories.@1. Marco Polo brought the tradition to Spain and Mexico from Asia, along with his swimming-pool games and his inexplicably expensive style of shirts.
2. Tito Santana, the old World Wrestling Federation pro from Mexico, first trained with them to toughen up his forehead.
I lean more toward No. 2, because this is more sport than tradition.
You sneak up on unsuspecting relatives, crack their heads and, as they weep, pound your chest in glory.
For the past three years, my No. 1 target has been cousin Alex, who is either 11 or 19. Hard to tell these days.
He's a nice, shy boy whom I've never heard talk. Well, I think I once asked him if he could talk, and he actually said three words, "Mmm hmm, yeah."
Anyway, the past three years I've chased him with cascarones until he ran out of the backyard. Then I chased him and chased him and chased him until we both had to take a Greyhound back home.
But this year I played it smart.
I waited in the bushes for two days. And on Easter Sunday, this Big Bad Wolf jumped out of the bushes and attacked Little Red T-shirt In The Hood.
He tried to evade, but I'm in such good physical shape that I can run a good four or five strides at full speed before collapsing in fatigue.
I caught him.
And I cracked him right above the Wernicke's area on the temporal lobe of his brain. As he staggered like a wounded deer, another relative body-slammed him so all the other slowpokes in the family — all of whom had dreamed of cracking Alex — could have their fun.
Now, you might think such a violent activity would divide a family. Not so.
For example, my mother-in-law had the sweetest thing to say about me after I caught Alex.
"Man, Mike may be gordito [chubby like a butterball], but he can sure move," she said.
And besides, we do have some civil rules. As Grandma and Grandpa walked in with their walker and cane, Wifey made it clear.
"Don't get the old people," she said.
Yet, 30 minutes later, Grandma and Grandpa had so much sparkling confetti in their hair, they looked like backup dancers for Earth, Wind & Fire, circa 1977.
And Wifey stood behind them, guilty and proud.
"I didn't want them to feel left out," she said.
Mike Hazelwood can be reached at mhazelwo@visalia.gannett.com. |
Vallarta Weddings
Vallarta Living | April 2007 
Tell a Friend
Site Map
Print this Page
Email Us