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 Vallarta Living | September 2007 
Navigating the Minefield of Cultural No-No's
 Christine Delsol - San Francisco Gate
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| | An iconic image of Mexican culture, the colorful Virgin of Guadalupe is a popular choice for tattoos. The icon represents more than a religious reference, however. The Virgin is a quintessentially Mexican story that symbolizes both Mexican nationalism, and faith in miracles. (Electric Artists) |
Language isn't the only hurdle when it comes to visiting Mexico: Some everyday Mexican customs can feel just as foreign as Español to a U.S. traveler — and can present a potential minefield of embarrassment. Just keep in mind that etiquette in Mexico is firmly rooted in Mexicans' pride in their country, their accomplishments, their families, their villages and towns. Respect this pride — and the following do's and don'ts — and you'll keep your foot firmly out of your mouth.
Spanish: The art of conversation
Don't be shy about using your rudimentary Spanish. Even the most pathetic attempt is always appreciated and never judged — it shows your interest in the culture.
• Faux pas alert: Though many Spanish words sound very much like their English counterparts (aeropuerto, minuto, contemplar), don't make assumptions about like-sounding words or you might end up announcing you are pregnant (embarazada) when you mean to say you are embarrassed. Estúpido does mean stupid, but it is a harsher epithet than the casual term flung around in the United States and is best avoided.
Playing the name game
Mexicans are lavish with titles of respect. For starters, get comfortable with señor, señora and señorita (Mr., Mrs., Miss); use the latter if you don't know a woman's marital status. An educated teacher, lawyer, architect or another professional has earned the right to a title: licenciado (lawyers and some other professions requiring a college degree), ingeniero/ingeniera (engineer), arquitecto/arquiecta, doctor/doctora, profesor/profesora. The common maestro or maestra (master, mistress) is used for teachers but also for many skilled workers.
• Faux pas alert: Maestro/a applies to elementary school teachers and amounts to a demotion for secondary school and college or university teachers, who are profesores or profesoras.
Mexicans have two surnames: Their father's comes first and their mother's second. Both will appear on business cards, or the mother's surname might be abbreviated to an initial. When addressing people, use only the first (paternal) surname.
Except with family and close friends, Mexicans use usted, the formal "you," rather than tu, the informal version more commonly used in Spain.
Friends dispense with many formalities, dishing out nicknames with the diminutives -ito and -ita, often derived from a person's most obvious features. Being called gordo ("fat"), flaco ("skinny") or even negro ("blackie") is probably not an insult unless it comes from a total stranger.
In the same vein, if a Mexican calls you a gringo, it's not necessarily an insult (if it is, you'll know it). More often, the word simply describes someone as foreign.
Breaking the ice
Mexicans commonly catch one another's attention in public with a sharp "psst-psst," which is not considered rude.
• Faux pas alert: Don't get huffy if someone you don't know winks or whistles and compliments you. This "piripo" is an accepted, friendly introduction between men and women and can be initiated by either sex.
Handshakes are a typical part of greetings and farewells. Male friends often follow up with an abrazo (embrace); urban women may kiss one another on the cheek. Stick to handshakes until your host decides you rate a more intimate greeting.
• Faux pas alert: Don't back away from an embrace or a kiss, which could be taken as a rejection of friendship.
Prolonged direct eye contact can be seen as challenging and aggressive, especially between men. If a Mexican looks away when you are speaking, he or she is more likely being respectful than inattentive.
• Faux pas alert: If a woman holds a man's gaze for more than a few seconds, it may be interpreted as a sexual overture.
Mexicans have a different sense of personal space than we do north of the border, where sociologists who study such things say the usual conversational distance is 2.5 to 3 feet. Get used to it.
When to zip your lip
The honesty and directness valued in the United States often comes across as blunt and even rude in Mexico. The rule is to be as diplomatic and indirect as possible. For example, if you feel compelled to ask someone not to smoke in a restaurant (where smoking is almost always unrestricted), preface it with favor de, an especially polite "please." Even better would be "Disculpe señor, el humo de cigarro me hace daño." ("Excuse me, sir. Cigarette smoke hurts me.")
• Faux pas alert: Don't ever, under any circumstances, criticize or belittle a man's mother. Machismo notwithstanding, Mexico is a thoroughly matriarchal society where women, and especially mothers, are revered.
On the flip side, Mexicans are genuinely interested in foreigners. If they stare, it's not out of hostility but curiosity. They like to talk, especially to practice their English, and will ask about family, friends, money and more intimate matters. If you are over 35 and have no children, they may frown on you or feel sorry for you. Don't take it personally.
Different ways of thinking
Blame is not part of the Spanish language (or the Mexican nature). They don't break things — things just break, presumably because that's God's will. You don't forget your wallet, it forgets you. It follows that Mexicans are not as free with apologies when something goes wrong or causes inconvenience. This is not lack of concern but an ingrained aversion to assigning fault.
Mexicans also rarely say, "I don't know." Inventing an answer is seen as more polite than leaving you with no answer at all — even if it's a taxi driver with no idea where he is going. Your best clue will be a certain vagueness to the response. If you suspect you're getting a creative answer, ask someone else. Or survey three people and average out their answers if you have to.
• Faux pas alert: On your part, if you don't know the answer to a Mexican's question, it might be perceived as a rebuff. Try to be helpful. Offer to find out or refer the question to someone else (making it clear that you'd really like to help, but you're sure that someone else could do a far better job).
The word "no" presents a similar conundrum. It's more common to say "yes" but hedge it with vagueness. If the response to a request is "maybe" or "we'll see," you might be getting a Mexican "no."
Body language
Many gestures will be familiar, but their meanings might not be. For example, extending the thumb and forefinger from a closed hand, about a half-inch apart, means "a little bit" in the United States but signals "Wait a moment" in Mexico.
Beckoning "come here" is done by holding a hand out, palm down, waving the fingers in a downward motion.
• Faux pas alert: Our typical palm-upward, wagging-index-finger signal is more "come hither" than "come here," and is vaguely obscene in Mexico. Likewise, our "OK" sign, with the thumb and forefinger forming a circle, is a vulgar sign for sex.
When indicating a person's height, use the index finger. Using the whole hand is reserved for indicating the height of an animal.
Mexicans consider it rude to toss things to one another. If someone across the room asks you for a pen, walk over and hand it to that person.
Staying culturally savvy
Everyone in Mexico knows the name of the president of the United States. You should know the name of Mexico's current president and have some clue about the country's history and current challenges.
Mexicans freely rail about corrupt government officials, high taxes and lower standards of living. Don't mistake this for receptiveness to criticisms from you. They are loyal to Mexico whatever its failings, and they are very sensitive to the overshadowing U.S. presence. Perceived slurs or intimations of U.S. cultural superiority will win you no friends.
• Faux pas alert: Avoid referring to U.S. residents as "American." Even "North American" includes Mexicans and Canadians as well. If you can't work in "I'm from the United States (or California)," then "U.S. American" will work.
Eating and drinking
It is acceptable to signal a passing waiter rather than wait for him to work his way to your table. In fact, you will have to signal for your check; they would rather have you take up a table all night than make you feel you are being rushed out the door.
Smoking in restaurants is common, but never during the meal. Lighting up is acceptable only after the plates have been cleared.
Mexicans don't split the bill; the person who issues the invitation generally pays. If you're dining with a Mexican and are unsure about the situation, don't offer to pay just your share. Pay the whole bill or keep quiet.
A 10 percent tip is expected, but 15 percent is appropriate for excellent service. If mariachi musicians play at your table, tip 10 pesos (about $1). In fancy restaurants with valets, tip 5 or 10 pesos.
Mexico's bars are open all day and into the early hours. Larger cities have modern bars where women will feel perfectly comfortable, but many cantinas in smaller towns or on the outskirts of cities still exclude women or make them very unwelcome — merely walking in can announce a woman as a prostitute.
• Faux pas alert: Don't assume a windowless building on the outskirts of town with a neon sign flashing "club" is a nightclub. It's far more likely to be a brothel.
Arriving in style
The stereotype about Mexico's flexible concept of "on time" is mostly true. Arriving 30 minutes to two hours late to a party in someone's home is acceptable — in fact, coming at the specified hour would be rude, for your hosts almost certainly will not be ready. But be on time for public performances, baptisms, weddings and funerals.
It is a significant honor to be invited for dinner at someone's home, as Mexicans go out for most of their socializing. Dinner invitations are less flexible; arrive within a half hour of the specified time, and bring a small gift.
• Faux pas alert: Chocolates, a dessert, flowers or something unique from home are appropriate; extravagant gifts may be perceived as ostentatious or even a bribe. Don't bring marigolds, which symbolize death, or red flowers, which are sometimes associated with witchcraft.
What to wear there
Mexicans are relatively tolerant of the way tourists dress, but observe the subtle boundaries. Shorts are almost never worn in Mexico City, which tends to be more formal than many other cities. But women should avoid shorts and skimpy tops in small towns and places off the tourist track.
• Faux pas alert: No matter where you are, shorts, sleeveless tops and sandals are considered improper in churches even for brief sightseeing stops.
For more information:
"Culture Smart! Mexico," by Guy Mavor, is an indispensable, easily digestible guide to customs and etiquette in many aspects of Mexican life.
Dean Foster's "Global Etiquette Guide to Mexico and Latin America" is aimed at both business and leisure travelers. It's available through LearnAboutCultures.com, which also features articles on worldwide cultural topics.
Getting Through Customs, the Web site of a firm that trains international business travelers, offers a wealth of insight that will benefit leisure travelers as well. Its book series, "Kiss, Bow or Shake Hands," includes a Latin America title. |
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