| | |  Entertainment | Restaurants & Dining | December 2008 
A World of Bon (and Non) Meals
 John Henderson - Denver Post
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| | (Lisa Haney/Denver Post) | |
Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin, the 19th century French gastronome, achieved eternal fame when he said, "Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are."
Well, this year I was a rat, a dog and, um, a penis. As a sportswriter, I've been called all those things. If I had eaten vulture in Baja, I would've completed my entire personality.
No, for Christmas I did not ask for ciprofloxacin. The above delicacies (that was sheep and ox penis, folks) during my month-long trip to China never made me sick. The only Chinese meal that didn't stay down was some free scrambled eggs courtesy of an embarrassed hotelier who lost my room reservation at 1 a.m. and I had nowhere to sleep after a 51-hour trek from Denver to Yangshuo.
Fortunately, China wasn't my only culinary adventure. I traversed seven countries and 21 states, covering 95,819 miles, putting me out of town in 2008 for, much to my editors' delight, 178 days. Along the way, I did everything from scraping dinner from the inside of a bamboo stalk in Borneo to eating wild boar while overlooking the Umbrian countryside.
Here is my annual Best & Worst Food for 2008:
BEST MEAL: Xiao Wang's Home Restaurant, Beijing. Stewed spare ribs with black beans and lotus leaves with sauteed diced chicken in Beijing soy paste and fried mixed vegetables. Just three items on a 44-page menu in an unassuming three-story building so hard to find my cabbie had to ask twice for directions. (Psst! It's in an alley off Guanghua Lu near the World Trade Center.) Xiaowang Fu. Phone: 86-(0)10-6594-3602.
BEST SEAFOOD: Polo's, Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. Baby red snapper fillet stuffed with cheese and basil and steamed with white wine then glazed with a red pepper sauce. An imaginative and winning combination for only $12. In the heart of Old Town, it's away from the tourists. In fact, across the street is an abandoned movie theater. 376 Madero.
BEST STEAK: St. Elmo Steak House, Indianapolis. It lived up to its reputation. I'm not easily impressed with food I can cook myself but my New York filet, charred on the outside and medium on the inside, may have been the best steak of my life. 127 S. Illinois St. P: 317-635-0636.
MOST ROMANTIC MEAL: The Ocean Grill Restaurant, Mauna Lani Resort, Kohala Coast, Hawaii. The fish sandwich was mediocre and sitting outside under palm trees and listening to the Pacific Ocean lap against the nearby beach made it even worse. It was Valentine's Day. I was alone. Shut up. Don't remind me. 68-1400 Mauna Lani Drive. P: 808-881-7911.
WORST DISH: Barbecued pork, Sarawak BBQ, Miri, Malaysia. Indigenous people in the state of Sarawak on Borneo put pork inside hollowed-out bamboo and roast it over coals. What came out was nothing but chunks of fat with bits of vague-looking gristle. The banana palm leaf that's also cooked tasted like soggy spinach. While eating, I kept hearing the soundtrack from "Papillon." Food court on Jalan Temenggong Datuk Oyong.
GROSSEST DISH: Sheep penis, Guolizhuang, Beijing. It's not that you're eating a farm animal's private part. It's not that it tastes rubbery and slippery and you find yourself pouring on more black bean sauce to deaden the taste. It's that sheep penis looks like a penis. Hey, virility isn't that important.
BEST GROSS DISH: Roast bamboo rat, M.C. Blues, Yangshuo, China. It's better than Blues' other signature dish — stir-fried dog — in that rat has more meat than dog and less fat. Then again, if you saw the five fully mature, healthy collies I saw crammed into a cage meant for two or three chickens at the public market, you'd know why. The rat is stir-fried and marinated, meaning if you stir-fry and marinate enough, even my dead Uncle Jean would taste good. #40 Xianqian Jie.
BEST SANDWICH: Les Croquet Nordiques, Cave La Bourgogne, Paris. Eight thick hunks of smoked salmon on individual slices of buttered toast. Eaten outside while looking at the public market, this Latin Quarter experience is as tasty as the sandwich. 144 rue Mouffetard. P: 33-(0)1-47-07-8280.
BEST ITALIAN MEAL (U.S. division): Ideale, San Francisco. I lived in Rome. I'm a pasta snob. I admit it. I find it easier to find authentic Uzbek food in the U.S. than Italian. In the heart of North Beach, however, Ideale is run by Italians and the food is cooked by Italians. The tortelloni alla paesana — homemade tortelloni shells with veal and prosciutto in a light cream reduction — would've sold well anywhere in the Old Country. 1315 Grant Ave. P: 415-391-4129.
BEST ITALIAN MEAL (Italy division): Zette carbonara, Trattoria Morgana, Rome. Get off the big piazzas and explore their side streets. This little place near the Basilica di Santa Maria Maggiore in the gritty Esquilino neighborhood has fantastic Roman fare. This zette (picture rigatoni cut in half) with fresh bacon bits and a light egg sauce tasted like an Italian grandmother made it, which she probably did. Via Mecenate, 1 9/21. P: 39-06-48-73-122.
WORST PIZZA: Famous Famiglia, San Antonio. Don't be hungry for pizza at San Antonio International Airport. You'll stay hungry. No Italian famiglia would take credit for this rubbish. The dough tasted like leftover chewing gum and the crust was as hard and brittle as Italian tile. My mouth needed three days to recover from the scalding the boiling hot tomato sauce gave it. 9700 Airport Blvd., Ste. 124. P: 210-930-8844.
MOST MASSIVE BREAKFAST: Loco Moco, Hawaiian Style Cafe, Waimea, Hawaii. It's simply a giant plate covered with white rice topped with two thick hamburger patties, sauteed onions, a fried egg and brown gravy. Do NOT eat this before surfing. 64-1290 Kawaihae Rd. P: 808-885-4295.
MOST OVERPRICED ROOM SERVICE: Palmer House Hilton, Chicago. This should give everyone incentive to get out of your room: A shrimp Caesar salad and a Coke cost me $33.73. Did a beautiful waitress scale 11 floors and jump through my window to deliver it? No. Amelio was not happy about getting zip on the tip. 17 E. Monroe St. P: 312-726-7500.
BEST FRUIT: Pineapple, Bario, Malaysia. A tiny Borneo village of about 100 people produces what many believe is the best pineapple in the world. Grown in fields in a heavenly valley at 5,500 feet, Bario pineapple is juicier, softer and more flavorful than any I've ever had. They cook it with curry and sugar but it's best plain and cold. You'll gobble pineapple slices like M&Ms.
BEST COUNTRY INN: Le Bougnat, Le Mont-Dore, France. A French farmhouse in the foothills of the Pyrenees, it serves local Auvergnat dishes with local produce and no attitude. 23 av. Georges Clemenceau. P: 33-(0)4-73-65-2819.
BEST TACOS: Sazo's Latin Grill, San Antonio. Shockingly near empty one night during the Final Four, Sazo's steak tacos had that tantalizing charbroiled flavor inside homemade tortillas. I've had tacos at roadside stands in Baja that weren't this fresh. 101 Bowie St. P: 210-223-1000.
WORST APPETIZER: Fromage blanc, Courtepaille Grill, Issoire, France. From a French chain that isn't any better than American chains because it's French, fromage blanc is white cheese. But it's served in a big white lump and is halfway between flavorless lard and sour cream. Rue Jean Bigot. P: 33-(0)4-73-55-0577.
BEST SPECIAL: Orleans Cafe, New Orleans. Crawfish bisque and red snapper, bronzed and topped with lump crab meat and beurre blanc sauce. Even on one of the busiest nights of the year — the night before the national college football championship — the Sabanis family put together a spectacular special. 135 Decatur St. P: 504-581-1136.
BEST DESSERT: Three milk cake, La Carreta, Pembroke Pines, Fla. It's made from condensed milk, evaporated milk and cold milk and topped with white icing. This Cuban restaurant would make all Cuban cuisine fans forget all about flan. 301 N. University Drive. P: 954-966-8161.
WORST DESSERT: Durian chocolate cake, Bijan, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Durian is a Southeast Asian fruit famous for an odor that makes you think you stumbled upon a mass grave. "Smells like hell, tastes like heaven," they say in Malaysia. Wrong. At Bijan, the best Malay restaurant in the nation's capital, they use durian for icing between cake layers. The chocolate frosting could barely keep my second bite from coming back up. 3 Jalan Ceylon. P: 60-3-2031-3575.
BEST THAI FOOD: Lotus of Siam, Las Vegas. National publications call it the best outside Thailand. I've been to Thailand three times and I'd agree. Bangkok eateries would have a tough time competing. In a drab off-Strip strip mall, Lotus of Siam features Northern Thailand dishes such as the staple Khao Soi: beef chunks in coconut and curry sauce. Maybe the best Thai dish I've ever had. 958 E. Sahara Ave., #A-5. P: 702-735-3033.
BEST VIEW: Ristorante Umbria, Todi, Italy. The wide terrace overlooks the green and yellow quilt-like pattern of the Umbrian countryside dotted with little farm houses. Never has wild boar cacciatore tasted so good. Via S. Bonaventura, No. 13. P: 39-075-894-2737.
BEST QUESTION FROM A WAITRESS: "I'm sorry, sir. We have run out of donkey testicles. Can I offer you some deer testicles instead?" Wei Dao Zhi Zao, Beijing. This Sichuan restaurant actually had a run on donkey testicles that night. My deer testicles floated in soup like algae in a polluted river. No. 169, Bei Yuan Lu, Chaoyang District. P: 86-(0)10-64-89-2344.
John Henderson: jhenderson(at)denverpost.com |
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