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 Editorials | Opinions | May 2008 
The Lighter Side of Gay Marriage
 Tommi Avicolli-Mecca - Beyond Chron
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 |  | It’s going to be hard to settle down to monogamy, but I’ve got some leeway. Fidelity in America is like telling your age: It’s all about how much you can get away with. |  | | | |
It’s already days after the California Supreme Court decision legalizing gay marriage and I haven’t found a husband yet! I feel like a complete failure. Finally, I can be as miserable as my straight friends and I don’t even have a prospect on the horizon.
Where’s Enrique Iglesias when you need him the most?!
I should have seen this coming when San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom gave the okay for queers to marry. Even Rosie O’Donnell flew in with her significant other to tie the knot at City Hall. That those incredible weeks of thousands of queer couples saying “I do” ended up challenged in a messy court battle shouldn’t have deterred me. I should have been searching night and day for Mr. Right, or at least Mr. Only Somewhat Wrong.
Now, I may have to face the humiliation of being the only queer in the Castro without a wedding ring and a two-car garage. Not to mention a gay wedding planning consultant. Funny how they’re springing up all over the place, along with gay divorce lawyers.
Some might say that there are more urgent issues for queers, such as universal healthcare or affordable housing. Those things are important, but If I don’t find the love of my life, what does it matter whether I can afford to see a dentist or to live in San Francisco?
It used to be so simple to be a faggot: Cruising in the parks at night, having multiple partners, not remembering the name of the guy I slept with two hours ago. I actually thought that all marriage should be done away with because government had no business legitimatizing anyone’s relationship and giving them all sorts of benefits that single people don’t get.
I’ve grown up. No more of that naïve 60s stuff. A relationship has to be approved by the government. Stamped normal and nice.
I’m not going to lose out again. No more Craig’s List “Men Meeting Men” for me. No more envying my queer couple friends as they blow kisses across the Thanksgiving dinner table and compliment each other on the perfectly cooked Duck a l’Orange.
I’m ready for the registered china, crystal, flatware and dinnerware patterns, not to mention his and his towels and matching tuxes for those corporate dinners. I’m ready for the faboo vacations in Puerto Vallarta and the endless sessions with the gay marriage counselor.
It’s going to be hard to settle down to monogamy, but I’ve got some leeway. Fidelity in America is like telling your age: It’s all about how much you can get away with.
Tommi Avicolli Mecca is a southern Italian queer atheist who doesn’t want to be hitched. Check out his website: www.avicollimecca.com |
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