How To Tell if a Suit's Out of Style

Wacky colors are out
You are not a Dick Tracy villain. Beware of plaids and bold stripes, and immediately burn all "novelty colors" - lavender, pink, seafoam green - unless you and Tubbs are about to bust a big blow deal on Miami Beach. Next time stick to the Civil War spectrum: blues and grays. "The classics never go out of style," says Ralph Lauren executive John Haarbauer. "That means solid colors: navy blue, gray, black."

Lapel size makes the man
The standard width for lapels has long been agreed upon at four inches (its in the Warsaw Pact). If yours are three inches or less, it looks self-consciously cutting-edge: great if you are a club kid, risky if you actually have a job. Lapels that exceed five inches say, "Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk - I'm a woman's man: No time to talk." And with that look, the women won't have time to talk to you, either.

Shoulders carry weight
Those heavily padded suits you bought in the late '80s and early '90s were great when you played defensive line for the Green Bay Packers, but today they've gone the way of Ray Rhodes. Be careful, though: if the shoulders are too thin, your treading on Pee Wee Herman territory. An imaginary line running perpendicular from the shoulder seam to the ground should just graze the outside of your arm. Hey, we said imaginary line - if you draw on the suit, you're paying for it, buddy!

Shirts and ties can help
Even if you've got the right suit, you can still be done in by accessorizing incorrectly. Dark suits (blacks and grays) can never go wrong with a white shirt - see how easy that was? - while navy suits look best with shirts in lighter shades of blue. Stick to this simple solid palette and practically any non-fish tie will work, go crazy and treat yourself to a silver one. Now when that babe comes crawling back to you, it'll be your turn to look the other way, you'll be too busy admiring yourself in the mirror.
- John Spalding